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Tuesday, January 17th, 2017

Subject:Gathering of mana
Time:8:23 am.
This morning I ask myself: where do I get the energy and resolve to provide leadership and guidance through today. From my immediate surroundings, I gather up the spirit of life, taking in all good things, all uplifting and encouraging things that center me and allow power and confidence to come from within myself. I cast off the negative feelings that accumulated this weekend from hanging out with Ma and all the crap and negativity he passed to me. There are so many people, including my supervisor Sc, who selfishly send toward me energy that is good for them but bad for me. I refuse to let it affect my day today and resolve to have a productive day accomplishing many things having cast off all that negativity.
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Monday, January 16th, 2017

Time:11:47 pm.
I'm so sick of lying and being fake. I am forced to do it all day or most of the day and it's really pissing me off. And so, here is a list of things I really think but cannot say out loud during the day.

Things I love:
Being in charge
Knowing what I'm doing

Things I hate:
Ma - never want to see him again. He makes me feel powerless and drains my energy.
Ka - got the job through connections, now I have to work with the idiot
The fact that I spend most of my days lying and being dishonest because that's how society and corporate America works: you have to smile and pretend to be nice to people and interested in what they are saying

Things I am ambivalent about:
My brother - a real loser these days, living in parents basemnt, smoking marijuana, barely holding down a job. lost potential

How I wish I could spend my time:
Being in love, doing romantic things
Being honest

How I actually spend my time:
Working too much in hope to achieve financial independence, or at least security

Things I am uncertain about:
Travel. It hasn't brought me as much pleasure as I hoped recently, to the point where I'd rather spend my time at home nesting rather than living out of a suitcase somewhere in Europe, Asia or India
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Subject:Some purposes hula serves in my life
Time:9:14 pm.
There are, of course, many hulas. Ones for battle, meditation, love poems, sex poems, ones about standing your ground. For me hula serves many purposes. In these turbulent, potentially stressful first few weeks of the year, it has served as an outlet for frustrations I have held inside while spending time with people who tend to drive me crazy. In the case of the first class of the year, it was a meditation following spending a few days with family. Today's class was a lion's roar after a weekend with Ma where I held my tongue clenched, following a Friday where I told a coworker who was driving me crazy, "I'm about to say something I will regret later, so I'm just not going to say anything."
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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2017

Time:9:15 am.
Living in San Francisco really sucks sometimes. You are accosted from all directions by unpleasant inputs. Take this morning's walk to the bus, for example. From the top and the sides, you are accosted by cold rain. From the sides, the clang and beep of garbage trucks. Screaming children. A house owner sweeping wet, mowed grass from her property walks right up to your face, as you pass by on the sidewalk in front of HER house (the sidewalk is always passing by in front of SOMEONE'S house, because San Francisco is densely packed). She says, Good Morning! right in your face, demanding you respond the same way. Competitive San Franciscancs turn every encounter into a confrontation. When you kneel down to tie your shoe, a large dog suddenly appears in your face to scare you, its owner shrugging around the corner like it's not his problem you knelt down to tie your shoe. If anything, you're the one in his way.
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Sunday, January 1st, 2017

Time:9:06 pm.
It's pretty ridiculous to listen in on some conversations in a San Francisco coffeeshop. Within seconds, people turn the conversation back to their favorite topic: themselves, how great and smart and capable they are. It's mind numbing to listen to. How can people stand listening to such shit. I would just stand up and walk out.
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Tuesday, December 27th, 2016

Time:7:34 pm.
On a night like this - the cold, dark city moving and clanging around me - I feel most at home. Everyone is on their way to somewhere important...
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Sunday, December 25th, 2016

Time:12:24 am.
"Hi man up for a good fucking?"
If only it were that simple.
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Thursday, December 15th, 2016

Subject:An is ambivalent
Time:6:51 pm.
I have been texting An quite a bit. I'm always the one who initiates the conversation. Now this latest conversation, I asked if he wants to do a repeat of last New Years where we got high and I gave him a blowjob. He says he has plans already but we can do it another night around New Years if I want.

Excuse me honey. "If I want?" Meaning he could care less one way or the other. Clearly we're in a situation where I'm into him more than he's into me and what he's communicating to me, if I read between the lines, is he needs some space. Ok then. What about what I want and need? It doesn't work like that. If I turn off my attraction to someone, then I'm going to stop texting him altogether and find someone else to text, someone who appreciates my advances and isn't so ambivalent about them. Onward and upward, sweetie!
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Tuesday, December 6th, 2016

Time:7:29 pm.
How many times I have moved? 16 so far. How many more times do I plan to move? 20 to 22, depending how many attempts it takes me to find an ideal permanent home.

1. Belarus to Ballwin
2. Ballwin to Manchester
3. Manchester to Hinman
4. Hinman to St. Louis
5. St. Louis back to Hinman
6. Hinman to Orrington
7. Orrington to Co-op
8. Co-op to Ridge
9. Ridge to Japan
10. Japan to St. Louis
11. St. Louis to West LA
12. West LA to Hollywood
13. Hollywood to West Hollywood
14. West Hollywood to Hollywood
15. Hollywood to San Francisco
16. San Francisco to Daly City

Future moves:

17. Daly City to starter condo in San Francisco
18. Starter condo in San Francisco to permanent home in San Francisco (may take 1 to 3 attempts of various places)
19. Permanent home in San Francisco to retirement home in LA
20. Retirement home in LA to long-term care facility in LA or Arizona
21. I guess you could consider it a permanent home if my ashes are scattered in the Pacific Ocean, but I don't think that really counts because it's not really "me," just some random ashes
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Thursday, December 1st, 2016

Subject:Meeting in East Bay
Time:11:52 am.
The meeting went well. I talked more than usual. I could have been better prepared if I knew I was going to get thrown in like that, but I improvised. In summary it was fine.
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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2016

Time:7:20 pm.
hikerOAK is Online Online (Website)
USA - California - Northern CA East Bay - Oakland - Montclair
6770 miles
Top looking for BTM/versatile guys to date
45, 5'8", 155lb, 30w. Muscular, Shaved, Some Body Hair, Mix. Looking for: Friendship, 1-on-1 Sex, Misc Fetishes, Relationship, Love, Dating.
Passionate, sensual, LTR oriented top guy into making out with a sexy guy. Open to a wide variety of men. Nice dicks, big nipples and a furry chest is a BIG turn on.

Professional guy weekdays, well educated, good manners and a horn dawg on weekends looking to have safe fun. Am hiv neg, sti free, looking for a connected time with a non pnp guy. Am a down to earth, chill guy looking to have a fun time hanging out with other gay men.

I am not into players, DL, married and bi guys.
Hike, cycling, swim, motorcycling, horse back riding, playing pool, dancing, cooking, travelling
Scene Leather, Out Yes, Smoke No, Drink Socially, Drugs No, Zodiac Scorpio.
7.5", Uncut, Top, Safe Sex Only, HIV Negative. Prefer meeting at: My Place.
Software Engineer
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:12:15 am.
Was online today
35 • West Covina, California
Member Since: 10 Nov 2013
Approx Distance From You: 358.71 miles (577.28 km)
“ Latino Bottom „
Looking for experienced, clean ddf fister top near my area able to host. Love getting my hole stretched and looking to take it to its limit. Looking for someone to mess with my guts, make me ass cum and and give me assgasms then mess with my prostate and make me squirt cum uncontrollably and make me squirt pee. Piston hand fucked me hard and fast till my ass wants to gag out. Need a regular fist buddy any age. Someone near West Covina or Burbank that can host, sure like to have a ff buddy. I work in Burbank near Empire Center and I get off work everyday at 7pm. Let's wreck my hole.
Looking for now: Host - All Day
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Tuesday, November 22nd, 2016

Time:4:11 am.
A: Do you have any favorite positions?
B: Missionary. Kiss while deep inside.
A: Same here
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Monday, November 21st, 2016

Time:3:26 pm.
Exar_Kun is Online - for Weekends Online (Radar APP)
Bulgaria - All Areas: ... Bulgaria - Sofia
222 miles
Take a chance on me :)
28, 5'11", 165lb, 36w. Slim, Brown, Shaved Body, White. Looking for: 1-on-1 Sex, 3some/ Group Sex, Relationship.
Regular guy from Sofia, Bulgaria. Likes dating and sex with other sorted and open-minded guys. :)
Scene Conservative, Out Yes, Smoke No, Drugs No.
vers/top, Safe Sex Only, HIV Negative. Prefer meeting at: Public Place.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Time:1:19 am.
Being in Greece is exciting. Just landed a few hours ago and wasted no time barreling my way up north. First impressions are guys here have the same body type as me. Also being a math major helped that I can read nearly all the letters, and will likely figure out the rest tomorrow.
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Thursday, November 10th, 2016

Time:3:57 pm.
An said he is comfortable having me as his partner at the tantric sex workshop, which is a good sign. He also said he's not inviting me to go but I should go if I so desire. I said I will go on my own volition. It was a very "Sex and the City" exchange, like when Mr. Big tells Carrie he's moving to Paris and she can move there too, if she wishes, but of her own volition, not on account of him. In a nutshell, An values his freedom and doesn't want to give it up. And why would he? He's a good looking guy who can have anything he wants sexually at any time. The incentives just aren't there.

I have to say, the part of the workshop I am looking forward to the most is where you stare into each other's eyes for some extended period of time.
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Wednesday, November 9th, 2016

Time:4:05 pm.
Parallel or perpendicular: they're just different orientations. One's no better than the other.
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Friday, November 4th, 2016

Time:11:24 am.
Some people would have you believe you're cowardly or weak for not having certain fantasies and acting on them. Just another form of peer pressure.
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Monday, October 31st, 2016

Time:8:51 am.
If An doesn't want a cock massage, it's his loss. The thing for me to do is leave him alone until he calls me first.
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Sunday, October 30th, 2016

Time:7:13 pm.
I have very high standards for myself and very low standards for everyone else. Does it mean most other people have very low standards for themselves and high standards for others? Makes you wonder how the world works at all, given these circumstances. Is everyone staying at home, smoking pot and being losers? Or pleasing themselves as opposed to being productive members of society. Yes, I really think so.
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LiveJournal for al1835.

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